I Found Love in a Hardware Store.

Yes, I found love in a hardware store. 

But, it's probably not what you think.

Yesterday I woke up to a bad dream.  So starting even before my first waking moment, my mind was filled with negative, worrisome thoughts. Specifically about now living in Washington, so far away from my family and friends who have known me longer than just 10 months. 

What if my grandparents get sick and decline fast?

What if my parents do? 

I'm missing out on seeing all my cousins' little kids grow up. 

Once my friends all start having kids, I won't be an active part of their children's lives. (This one honestly brought me the closest to tears)

This will be the first Easter -- and even my first major holiday -- that I won't be with my parents and extended family. 

These, and hundreds of other similar thoughts were flooding my mind yesterday morning, before I even ate breakfast.  

Two eggs, scrambled.  With spinach and tomatoes. And cheese. 

Somewhere between washing my dishes and brushing my teeth, I finally prayed about it.  Not a petition prayer, I didn't necessarily want anything.  But just expressing it to Him. Letting Him in on my hurt.  On my worries.  On my frustration and how much I missed everyone.  He already knew, of course, but there's something He loves about us telling Him ourselves.  

So I drove to work, and the negative thoughts stopped, but I was still feeling that heaviness on my heart.  

Shortly into my shift the manager took me away from being Cashier, and had me doing some inventory stuff in the aisles.  (I work at a hardware store, by the way.) 

And as I was doing that...I started praying again.  This time my 'expressing' was filled with a little bit more 'praising' and thankfulness.   The Lord led me here with all green lights and open doors--and He's Faithful. He's provided a place for me to live, and two part-time jobs for me almost right away once I moved here. He's given me lots of new friends here, through a wonderful boyfriend. And I live in an age of Skype, texting, and Facebook.

And suddenly that heaviness went away and I felt so LOVED.  I had that peace that only comes from Him.  I could think straight about it all again.  Yes, I still miss everyone terribly.  But I didn't just recently make this choice to move, I made that choice over a year ago when I first moved to Denver.  And if I'm honest with myself, even if I hadn't met Josh, I wouldn't move back to Minnesota. 

Don't get me wrong, I love Minnesota. It will always be my home, and I'm even a little jealous when my Facebook is blowing up with "SNOWSTORM!!" statuses and pictures.  (Only jealous for like, a second though.) But I'm here now, and this is where my path has led me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a forest, following bread crumbs. Constantly looking for those little affirmations that I'm still on the right path.  Once I find one, I get super happy, but then freak out because I can't see the next one yet.

But the more crumbs I find, the more hopeful and trusting I become that yes, there WILL be another crumb soon.  No, I can't see it right now, but I've been through this before.  I know one will come soon.  And there's no point in turning back, because I've already been down that path behind me, and picked up those crumbs.  There's new ones waiting for me.  

I just have to keep going forward.

And yes, sometimes you just have to be patient, and praise Him in between the crumbs.

photo from photography.nationalgeographic.com

Time is Weird.

Time is Weird. 

It just is.  When you're living in a different state from your boyfriend and you have one hour left of work before you hop on a plane to go visit him....that last hour is the slowest, most frustrating hour of them all.  You can't speed it up.  You can't just fast forward.  The only thing you can do is sit back and listen to Call Me Maybe on repeat while you're forced to be patient.

I'm so glad to be done with long distance, by the way. I now have no idea how we did that.

It seemed like it would never end.  But time is crazy like that, it goes so slow while it's moving so fast.

And did I really live in Denver for a year? Because I'm starting to doubt that ever even happened.  When people ask where I'm from, I say Minnesota.  Which, of course, is true.  But I'm starting to forget to add on the, "...but I lived in Denver for the past year" part.  Not because I don't believe it was a significant time in my life, because it absolutely was.  But because....well....hold on, are you SURE I lived in Denver for a year?!

Time is Crazy.

So...total subject change.  Today is Valentines Day.

This is my "most bipolar, mixed emotions, happy and sad, tears and laughter" - filled day of the year.

Eight years ago today, my first Valentine died in a snowmobile accident.  I still remember the last time I saw him.  We were at his basketball game, and as we left he smiled and gave me a salute as I walked out the door.

The day of the accident, I ran home after school and frantically looked through all of my things for anything I still had from him.  We weren't dating anymore and I had thrown away everything I had from him...or so I thought.  But then the tears came when I realized I had completely forgotten about this one gift I still had from him.  A huge red box of chocolates he gave to me a previous Valentines Day.

The irony of that hit me so hard at that moment.

But that day we were all reminded that death for believers isn't Goodbye.  It's See Ya Later.

Because next time I see him will be in Heaven -- where he will be filled with even more life than I saw that day on the basketball court.

Because time is funny like that.

Time is also a blessing.  It helps us heal and move forward.  Valentine's Day gets easier and easier every year.  Of course we all still miss Jak and I'll always think about him on February 14th.

But time is a gift to us to heal from tragedies and allow us to continue to thrive in the newness that each day has for us.

It has allowed me to still be fully present in celebrating this cheesy, Hallmark, overpriced-flowers holiday with Josh--this wonderful, Godly man I get to call my boyfriend!

When I got home from work last night, well after midnight, I walked in my room to see this:

Flowers and all of my favorite snacks! He must want a fat girlfriend...

On this day especially, whether you're single or dating or married or whatever...always remember that the One who created time itself not only loves you more than anyone else in this world does, but He literally IS love.  He's the perfect example of Love that none of us will ever live up to in our earthly relationships.

So go and buy some flowers for quadruple the price, or go out with all of your girlfriends, or just relax and enjoy your Thursday.  No matter what you've been through, who you are or aren't dating, or where you're at in life today, remember that our God adores you.  Absolutely, all-out adores you.

And there's nothing you can do about it :)

Sunday in Seattle.

Yesterday I got to be a tourist in my new city.  

Best looking guy in Seattle, right there. 

I had great tour guides, 

stereotypical Seattle weather, 

found a troll under a bridge, 

saw some Larpers larping 

and....

I even got pooped on by a bird.  

I could have done without that last one, 

but I figure I WAS just walking around in it's natural pooping space, so I couldn't get mad.  

First...we found the troll under the bridge.

Hey now, that's my boyfriend. Be nice.

THAT'S the troll.  And that's a real Volkswagen car he's holding too (for real).

Then we went to the Fremont Street Market.

They had artisans' handiworks outside, and inside was like a big flea market that smelled like grandma's musty attic. 

Gas Works Park. 

This was where we randomly found the LARPERS!! 

Volunteer Park

This was where I realized that people really do get used to the rain here.  There were still runners everywhere, people playing with their dogs....and then there's even me with my soaking wet shoes and socks, still having the time of my life exploring my new city. 

Climbed some stairs...

View from the top! 

My wonderful tour guides. Thanks Jeff and Brittney! 

Today's Lesson: 

My new city is better than your city.  

Just kidding. 

......but seriously.

A little blog on fog.

"Fog (noun): A thick cloud of water droplets suspended in the atmosphere at or near the earth's surface that obscures or restricts visibility." --Google

Let's try that again. Here's my definition:

"Fog (creepy): 1. A thick cloud of water droplets that surrounds the earth and instantly transports one into a real-life horror movie, where behind each tree is a psychotic axe murderer."  Obviously.

2. "The conditions that cause one to drive like an old lady because you can't see the street signs until they are 10 feet in front of you. Especially when you are new to the city." Please don't tell my boyfriend I've been driving slow...

3. "A result of an unfulfilled New Years Resolution, where the clouds have eaten too much Nutella and got so...um..."fluffy", that they are expanding into our very own neighborhoods." Someone please get these things on a meal plan and treadmill.

 4. "A condition in the Seattle area that can be very annoying, because it is actually partly sunny above the fog, but you still can't see past your own driveway, much less Mount Rainier." And that is just mean.                                                                          

This condition has been perpetrating my life and the lives around me for about 3 full days now.  And I'm ready for it to go away.  Although I'll admit: It is sort of pretty in an emo sort of way.  (Can I say that?)

Some of these pictures I took awhile back in MN. But fog is fog, right?

Walk in Love.

"Observe how Christ loved us.  His love was not cautious but extravagant.  He didn't love in order to get something from us, but to give everything of himself to us.  Love like that. " 

Ephesians 5:1&2 (The Message)

If I were to describe my personal state of being these past two weeks, it would be this: Survival mode. 

No I'm not stranded on an island, or homeless, or stricken by disease, or being chased by a tiger.  In fact, my circumstances are just the opposite.  I've been completely blessed and taken in by those around me--by this new community of people who have all made me feel so incredibly welcomed. So why does my spirit feel like I'm in this constant state of survival? 

I think it's because I'm still totally out of my comfort zone.  As welcomed as I feel, it's not "home" yet.  

I'm constantly meeting new people, eating food in new places and watching sports in different homes, and it's been so much fun--but I wasn't able to really let my guard down.

Until this past weekend at church while worshiping.  

Because worship felt like home. 

And again while hiking up a mountain. 

Because the same Creator who made that mountain, is the one who created me.  

West Tiger Mountain hike with my friend Carrie

Even though I'm in a new state, a new city, a new home, looking for a new job, hanging out with new friends, getting used to being in a new type of dating relationship...

I still worship the same God.  

And at that moment I realized that in my state of survival mode I've been sort of neglecting my relationship with Him, which is exactly the opposite of what I should be doing at this time in my life.  He's my Constant. The never-changing, always faithful Savior and friend that I need at all times in my life---but especially during big life changes.  

He created me to praise Him.  Not just in worship at church, but with my lifestyle.  With the way I interact with others.  These past two weeks I haven't been focused on loving others the way I am called to do, either.  Survival mode makes a person focus entirely on themselves.  "How can I feel safe, comfortable, and loved?" while neglecting the "How can I make others feel safe, comfortable, and loved?"

I need to get better at that second part. 

Survival mode in general is a good thing--it keeps us safe and alive. 

But it should only be temporary.  Are you about to be eaten by a tiger? Then run. God gave you instincts and legs for a reason.  Jump that fence...and then get on with your life.  Give God the praise, then go love on the people in your life. Don't reconstruct your life around this constant fear of becoming tiger lunch. 

My survival mode is over.  I'm here, I'm safe, now it's time to get refocused. 

The cool thing about situations like being chased by a tiger and surviving or moving to a new state for the 2nd time in a year, is that eventually you will have a cool story to tell about how God stepped in and did something amazing. 

You just have to be paying attention.  

Week One: Check.

This time I sit in Panera, where the two 60something women sitting on my left are discussing the evils of Facebook.  They almost have me convinced. While the two 20something women sitting on my right are discussing getting their nails done with "French tips but, like, with lots of glitter and stuff!"

Uffda. 

But hey! I've lived in my new state for a week!  

This first week living in Washington has been a huge blessing! I say that even amidst the mental-emotional-spiritual-physical adjustments that comes with a move like this.  Because seriously, everyone here has made me feel unbelievably welcomed!  

Also, people hug alot here.  My Norwegian/Swedish background has not prepared me for this.  I think I've gotten more hugs this past week than in my entire 25 years of life.  But...seriously. Again--so welcomed! 

Josh and I stopped by the beautiful house of their family friend, Karen, who has so graciously agreed to let me be her roommate for awhile! We stopped by to see if her dog, a German Shepherd mix, would demolish my little hedgehog.  He sure was curious about him...but he didn't try to eat him. Directly. He did try to eat Quincy's blanket once we put him away, however. So..maybe hedgie will live behind closed doors. 

I got spoiled my first three days here with SUNSHINE! It was beautiful.  But now it's rainy. Like right now, my socks are soaked inside my boots. It's okay though, I don't mind the rain because it's so GREEN here! And they have lakes! And you can see Mount Rainier!......sometimes.

In other news, I ended up making a few belated New Year's Resolutions afterall. I think I'll just make them up as I go. Is that allowed?

First one: Run at least 10 miles a week.  This past week I ran 12. Nailed it. 

Second one: Get a job.  So I can pay my bills. And be a productive member of society. And so I can get a gym membership and stop being such a lil weakling that gets sore the next day after stirring too much while baking.  True story.  

But back to running..

Even with all the hills here--it's reminded me how much I love running.  And mostly it reminds me how I can't afford a gym membership until I find a job. So I just keep on sloshing through the miles in my soaking wet tennis shoes, up and down and up and down and up and down the hills.   

They have weird trees here. When I'm out running I feel like I'm in Alice in Wonderland. Or a Dr. Seuss book. But without the rhymes and weird cats. And with more clouds, wet shoes, and nice people. 

And it's so warm here! For January at least. Except I look at my weather app and see that it's almost 50 all the time, so lil miss Minnesota girl here decides to be tough and not wear a jacket.  So then I'm always freezing.

I've gone through this "It's so warm I won't wear a jacket....Omg I'm freezing!!" skit every single day so far.

Can someone please text me every morning and tell me to wear a jacket? Thanks. 

(Just kidding mom, I wear a coat and hat and gloves everysingledayyyy) 

I'm surprisingly totally okay with this. 

So because I'm not very good at this whole being unemployed thing, I better get back to some job applying and resume printing and driving arounding that has become my new routine. 

I suppose I should do some laundry too.  

Oh...and hang out with my boyfriend on a Monday night.  Because now I can :)  

Yay for spontaneous date nights! And almost beating my boyfriend in Air Hockey! 

I live in Washington now?! Yep, it's true.

So, I live in Washington now! Happy 2013 to me! I still feel like it's just a dream--or like it's just another weekend visit and soon I'll be flying back to Denver.  Sometimes I even still think I should be flying back 'home' to Minnesota. 

But Washington is my new home now. And so far, so good :) 

The past couple weeks have been such a whirlwind. Life has moved so fast with holidays in MN, work events in Miami and St. Louis and then the 21 hour drive through 5 states to move out here....I'm officially [temporarily] sick of traveling.  No more airports or long roadtrips for awhile, please.  

Day 1: 11 hours of driving and gummy worm eating.

Day 2: 10 hours of driving to get to Seattle by 5pm and then celebrate New Years with Josh's friends!

First views of Washington state!

Quincy checkin out his new state. It's no Africa for this African Pygmy Hedgie...but I think he approves.

My first morning living in Washington, and it was SUNNY! :) So I went for a 5 mile run! Gotta love the 40+ degree winter temps! 

So this New Years I haven't really made any huge resolutions besides figuring out a routine and what God has for me in this new chapter of life!