Spritz Cookies and Yoga Pants.

"What are you doing for Christmas?" my Seattle friends, coworkers, or volunteers at work would ask. 

"I get to go home to my parent's house!" 

That elicited 3 types of responses. 

"Oh, Minnesota! How fun."

"Oh, Colorado! Beautiful there I bet!" 

"Oh, South Dakota! How nice." 

Many of them just hear bits and pieces of my story so yes, it gets a little confusing. 

I get it. 

"Well my parents and I are from Minnesota, but they retired 3 years ago and moved to South Dakota, and I moved to Denver for just a year, but now I live in Seattle." 

Keep up, people ;)

So this year I get to spend Christmas in Spearfish, South Dakota. For both my parents and I, this will be the very first Christmas away from Thief River. And as sad as that is...this is their forecast this week. 

A HIGH of -8? Confession: I sort of brag about how cold it gets "where I grew up" but I didn't know any different when I was a kid. And I knew how to layer up. The more you looked like a Goodyear blimp, the better. If you try to be all cute and fashionable in northern Minnesota winter weather, you will die. 

Or you'll at least be made fun of. 

But I won't get to experience the Minnesota cold this Christmas. Which I'm kind of okay with because....now I'm kind of a wimp. Seeing extended family always trumps eyelash-freezing temperatures, yes. And holiday traditions are precious. 

But as parents retire and relocate, as grandparents get older, get sick, or pass away, as children grow up, sometimes old traditions become memories by necessity. To take their place, new "firsts" may eventually become new traditions. 

My mom and I just tried our hand at making my grandma's Spritz cookies in the name of keeping some sort of tradition. We don't have a cookie press so we improvised with a Ziplock bag. We ended up with delicious tasting Spritz cookies...that looked like piles of dog poop. 

Of course it was my dad who pointed that out, we all laughed but he still ate about 5 of them. I now secretly hope she never buys a cookie press :) 

Speaking of dog poop, we also took our friends' dog on a walk this morning. Yep, it's cold here too but not nearly as bad and the scenery gets me every time. 

So this is only Day 3 of my 10 days in Spearfish. Josh flies out here on the 26th so I have until then to be super lazy and not wear makeup and wear yoga pants every day. 

And when he gets here...let's be honest, I won't change a thing because it's Christmas vacation!!! 

Seattle Secrets.

I'm now in my 12th month of living in the Seattle area. Can I tell you a secret? 

It doesn't rain as much as you think. Well, maybe it does...but it's really not so bad. 

Maybe I've just had a lucky 12 months, but overall I found myself doing the Instagram "look how beautiful it is here!" thing way more often than the Twitter "sarcastic comment about the rain or why I miss Minnesota" thing. 

I've lived here almost as long as I lived in Denver. Weird. 

Like, really weird. 

Denver was sort of a hard year for me, but looking back I can see how much I grew in my independence and confidence. A shedding of some old lifestyle habits, and the development of some new, good ones. It was a stepping stone to my life here in Washington. 

Side note: somewhere along the way I've lost about 80% of my Minnesotan accent. Which makes me sort of devastated. I blame the pitiful lack of cheese curds here. 

Uffda. 

Back on track: I've been pleasantly surprised by the Pacific Northwest. It has beautiful views of the Puget Sound. It has it's quirky, fun, hipsterish Seattle neighborhoods. It has mountains to climb. It has some of the nicest, most generous people ever. It has rainforest-like plants and flowers. AND. It has the Seahawks (sorry, dad). 

So come visit me (ahem, Laura, Tricia, Dani, & Traci--since you've all mentioned it) and I'll make you do this: 

 

And show you this: 

Oh, and of course, this: 

I kind of think people keep the beauty of Seattle a secret and instead fill everyone's heads with visions of neverending torrential downpour to keep everyone in the world from moving here. Okay maybe not. And if so, I'll probably be soon kicked out for sharing the secret. 

But really. It's great. Come visit. 

Special shoutout to Emily (who loved it so much, she moved here!), Nicoley, Alexandra, my parents, Alex, Michele, Kyley, and Carolin for visiting me and letting me show/drag you around! 

And extra special shoutout to Nicoley for coming AGAIN soon with Holly this time! 

Quincy is already planning our adventures :) 

A Calm Life.

Do you prefer a calm life or a busy life? I know that some people genuinely prefer to be busy. Not just regular busy, but, like, CRAZY busy. They purposely overschedule their life, because that's how they thrive. 

Those people are like zoo animals to me. I look on with awe and wonder and respect. But I have no desire to be them. I think they're beautiful...but also kind of weird. 

I grew up in a calm household. Yes, we had lots of fun. Yes, we did lots of things. Yes, my dad is incredibly spontaneous. Yes, he once drove us 6 hours to a Twins game while my mom was working without telling her until we were AT the game. Shock effect. 

Yes, we would see an ad for a concert that was playing in an hour...in a town an hour away, and just go right then. Yes, we took vacations every year. Yes, we were always running to sports games near and far. But somehow, it was still a calm life. I think it was because calm was the default. We each had a few of our scheduled activities each week, but since I was an only child, it wasn't overwhelming. Our fun mostly lived in spontaneity. I think that's why scheduling things into my calendar is sometimes sort of terrifying. 

My parents both worked hard. Both were on their feet, walking and interacting with people all day. Because of that, our default home life was always laid back and relaxing. 

That's how I'm now wired. 

I like to have one or two scheduled activities....but any more than that and it's not fun to me anymore. Then it becomes an obligation. It makes me a little anxious. What if I'm super tired that day? What if something else comes up? (P.s. This does not apply to hangout dates, friends! It's more of the "every Tuesday night at 6 you will be here" thing.) 

When I'm too busy, I realize I start to focus way too much on me. MY time. MY busy schedule. MY needs. MY life. 

When I am living in calm, I have way more energy and desire to give. GIVE time. GIVE encouragement. I don't as fiercely protect my time, so I am way more flexible and open to spontaneity. My friendships are healthier. I call my mom more often. 

That's also when I feel closest to Jesus. When I'm most excited to read my Bible. When I feel the most loving. When I'm the happiest. That's my sweet spot. Yes, there will always be craziness and busyness in life, and I have to continually get better at coping with it. But I believe knowing how your wired and in what type of lifestyle you thrive...is huge. 

If you're wired more like me...don't let overwhelming busyness become your default. It's okay to say no sometimes. It's okay to have a boring night at home. You don't have to become a hermit, but know when you're getting stretched too thin. Pray about how much busyness you should be allowing in your life. 

Then, come meet me at Starbucks before work one morning. Schedule me in to your already too-full schedule so we can talk about how full our schedules are ;) 

Change is Worth it!

Consequences of Change.

Sometimes I think my dream life would be exploring nature and cities all over the world, meeting people, hearing their stories, and writing about it. 

But...I wouldn't really be good at any of that. I love adventures and I love the outdoors, but not all the time. 

I love meeting people and hearing everyone's unique story, but I'm sort of an awkward conversationalist. 

I would LOVE to travel all over the world, but I also want to chill out from my crazy relocation/apartment hopping life and have my own family and house and dog and fireplace someday. 

I love writing. But I also have a rare form of ADD where I don't really have ADD...I just get bored. 

Maybe I already am living my dream life. I love everything about my past so far. Of course I've messed up. Of course I've gotten off course a few times. Of course I've hurt people and gotten hurt myself. 

But I'm here. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I have a job I believe in. I'm alive. I'm educated. I have people who love me and I have people that I love. 

I think it's important for all of us to dream big and to strive and to plan. But right now in my life, I think it's important for me to be content. 

Too many big life changes and relocations in such a small time have left a tiny scar in my spirit. Getting pulled away from family, friends and the familiar...twice in just over a year...have hardened my heart a bit. I can tell I'm a little closed off. I get defensive. I am critical and cynical for no reason. I make plans and cancel them last minute (one of my biggest pet peeves). I crave affirmations more than normal. I get mad at myself with how selfish I am. 

I sometimes feel like my self awareness and social maturity have taken a few steps backwards. 

However, I think that's probably all normal. I wouldn't be human if I wasn't somehow affected by big changes. 

I'm actually proud of how I've handled it all for the most part. Sometimes I literally feel crazy. But usually that's cured by a good night's sleep. 

I just need to let my heart settle a bit. I need to let myself have those occasional freak out moments (IM GOING TO MISS OUT ON SO MUCH WHEN MY MN FRIENDS START HAVING BABIES!). 

I need to let God do what He does best. Love me. Heal me. Continue to grow me. Teach me how to love others. Teach me how to give selflessly. 

I'm guessing by the time I feel caught up and content, there will be another big life change. But I think I'll be ready. Like I said, I get bored fast :)

Ps. Reminder in pictures why it's all been worth it!! 

http://kirsten-faithlovehappiness.blogspot.com/2013/10/my-year-in-pictures.html?m=1

Quiet in the City.

I grew up walking trails in the woods of northern Minnesota with my dad, grandpa, and our two yellow labs. All four of them taught me to love, enjoy, and treasure the beauty of being out in nature. 

I think that's why living in/near a big city is so hard for me sometimes. It just doesn't feel...well, natural. I love it for the convenience and social aspects, but it wears on me after awhile. That's why I love hiking. That's why I love mini road trips just to get out of the city. 

That's why today I got so excited when I discovered, one mile away from our condo....is this: 

It's some sort of wildlife refuge. So it's not totally untouched, as there are trails, fences, bridges and those outlook posts, but it's quiet and I can run to it, so I'll take it!

I totally killed my pace time taking all these pictures on my phone, but I'm pretty sure I've never had a better run. 4.5 miles of trees, a lake, no people, no billboards, and no freeway noise. 

My soul is happy :) 

For the Love of...

Fall. 

The time of year when all you hear everyone say is how much they LOVE Fall. 

Yes, we know you love to wear your sweaters and leggings and boots. To watch football. To see the trees changing. To carve the pumpkins. To eat or drink EVERYthing that is pumpkin flavored...especially those Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks. 

Sometimes I think everyone loves Fall mostly because they love to love Fall and even more so, they love to TELL everyone how much they love to love Fall. 

Whew. 

Okay, so I'll admit.  The main reason I get annoyed when every. single. person (well, mostly the females) on my social media feeds are proclaiming their undying love for Fall....is that...well....

 I LOVE FALL.

I'm a September baby. I was born in the Fall. Doesn't that give me some sort of "dibs" on loving it more than others? 

Apparently not. 

So I guess I'll let everyone love Fall as much as I do. Because that's what Jesus would do, right? 

All I know is that Jesus MUST feel the same way around Christmas time. When all of the--"OMG!! Christmas music is playing in my office:at the grocery store:at my dentist:on the radio:in the airport!!!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!"--people start to take over instead. I mean, Jesus for sure has dibs on loving Christmas the most, right? But He just lets us enjoy it with Him and he doesn't get mad or jealous...and I can almost guarantee you He doesn't post a blog ranting about it. 

But that's when I realize how far I need to come to be more like Jesus. 

I could use some prayers. 

Ps. Someone bring me a Pumpkin Spice Latte and I'll love you forever. 

Home.

The first few sights caught my brain by surprise. Emotions tied with the sharp familiarity made me unsure of how to properly process it. 

But I was obsessed with figuring out that surge of emotion tied with every single building, sign, and stoplight. Not sadness. Not excitement. Not really anything I can articulate. But my brain just knew every part of this town all soo well. And every new building, sign, or even house color change stuck out like a sore thumb to me. 

Yet I felt a strange longing towards all of it. 

Not to ever live in my small Minnesotan hometown again. But a feeling of wanting to get another chance at even briefly visiting the life of my childhood. Where grandpa still lived at home with grandma and not in a nursing home, before his stroke and heart attack. Where my parents and I still lived in the house on Duluth Ave, before those other people moved in and added those flowers, that deck, and those two fluffy dogs. Where I was not on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Vine, Pinterest, and Timehop. Where I was oblivious to big city life, death, and broken families. When I assumed everyone grew up and lived the same sort of happy life that I did. 

But this town is still a time capsule in a way. It's where people still sit in lawn chairs out in their yards and just chat with each other and those who walk by. Where people stop by on their bike rides just to visit. Where life is a little (or a lot) slower than in big cities. Especially Seattle. Where down time is expected, not penalized or looked down upon. Where grandparents still babysit grandkids, because they live right down the street. 

I love Seattle. I love the life I'm living and the adventures I've had and will keep having. But there's something to be said about traditions, small towns, and slowing down. 

Sometimes.

Sometimes I go on Pinterest. 

And I'm jealous of those clothes. 

I'm jealous of that house. 

I'm jealous of her hair. 

I'm jealous of those people who choose to make time to cook all that food and make all those crafts. 

Sometimes I go for a run. 

And I hate every second of it. 

I hate that road. 

I realllly hate that hill. 

I hate feeling like I'm about to pass out. 

Sometimes I miss Minnesota. 

I get worried about all the upcoming rainy days here in Seattle. 

I know I'll miss the snow...a little bit. 

I miss my grandparents. 

I miss my friends. 

Sometimes I worry about the future. 

Sometimes I wear the same jeans 5 days in a row at work. 

Sometimes I get so happy and hyper for no reason. 

Sometimes I buy mint Oreos. And eat them all in 2 days. 

Sometimes I wish I could live out in the middle of nowhere, no technology, no electricity, no running water. 

Sometimes I just want to be bored. 

Sometimes I honestly think I'm crazy.

Sometimes I want to go back to school. Like really, really bad.

Sometimes I want a dog. 

Sometimes I question EVERYthing. 

And you know what?

I think sometimes that's all okay. 

Learning to Listen.

This weekend I will be moving for the 11th time in 7 years. 

I'm ridiculous. 

But, really, it's preventing me from ever becoming a hoarder, so that's a plus. 

While counting up the moves, I realized that number is high because I've been blessed to stay at places for free. Nicole and I got to "house-sit" for 4 months, I lived with my parents for a month before moving to Denver (yes this counts, I had to physically move all of my stuff AND change my mailing address) and most recently I was able to stay with Karen for 7 months before I had a stable job here in Washington. 

Each of these blessings came at crucial times in my transitions to new states where it would have been financially impossible for me to move without them. 

I don't think that was just luck. 

The Lord has quite literally opened the doors for me to continually affirm that I'm on the right path. However, I've also done a lot of waiting in the hallways. I've even forced open and peeked into the wrong doors at times. 

But I've been learning lately how to recognize and discern when the Holy Spirit is urging me to "go" (or do, or say, or act)  and when he's urging me to actively choose to NOT. 

I believe it's different for everyone, as we all have different and unique experiences, faith levels, and personal relationships with Jesus. 

Because of this, we can't wait for a Sunday sermon or a famous Christian author to tell us how exactly to know what the Holy Spirit is telling us to do when it comes to specific situations. Like which college to choose. Which house to buy. Which job to take. To go to the party or not. 

But if you ask Him to teach you how to listen to Him, He will show you. 

Here's what I've learned so far (but remember, it might be different for everyone!):

1) Pray first. 

2) Compare it with the foundational morals in the Bible. (Ex: adultery is always a NO) 

2) Ask the opinions of Christians you trust.

3) Pray again. 

4) Visualize each scenario prayerfully and ask for peace about the right one. 

Every time I've done this for big life decisions, I've eventually either had a "bad gut" feeling or total peace about what I should do. 

It's so hard sometimes. Because I often want to go when He says no. And He says go and I say noo way. 

But He is so gracious. And so good. And I usually learn later why I should have listened to Him the first time. Then I am more trusting to follow His leading the next time. And His way is always more fulfilling, filled with way more adventures (the good kind), and way less shame, guilt, and regrets. 

So I challenge you to pay attention to how the Holy Spirit speaks to you! He may use different means (dreams, situations, the Bible) to speak to you, but you should start to recognize what is from Him. 

I've got a lotttt to learn. I sometimes feel like I'm just getting started. 

And I've never been so excited. 

A Letter to my Teenage Self.

What do you get when you mix braces, glasses, crazy shyness, goody-goodyness, bushy eyebrows and straight A's? 

You get teenage Kirsten. 

Okay, I really wasn't QUITE as nerdy as I just made myself sound. Promise. But...pretty close. At least I was athletic. 

I loved my childhood and high school years. I honestly wouldn't change a thing. As the saying goes, I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't go through that awkward braces AND glasses thing...at the same time. 

I stayed out of trouble, had awesome experiences, and grew up in a happy home. 

But if I could write myself a note of advice and pass it back to teenage Kirsten, this is what it would say: 

First of all, enjoy being a kid. Yes, even as a teenager. Embrace the silliness. Eat too many cookies.  Laugh hard, uncontrollably, and for no reason with friends. Lose track of time. 

Don't take so many prom pictures with your date. Sure, take a few, but take most of them with your girl friends. Those are the ones you will hang up in your college dorm room, two boyfriends later. 

Be less selfish. 

Enjoy mom's cooking. Learn how to cook with her! You may get sick of some of those "same old" meals, but those recipes will mean so much to you once you live on your own, thousands of miles away from home. Thank her after every meal. 

Befriend more people in school. Don't wait for them to befriend you first. 

Push yourself harder in sports. Your work ethic in sports evolves into your work ethic in a future job. Don't take shortcuts or "just get by". 

Also, you WILL have conflicts with a teammate/coach. Learn from it. Have patience. Keep your cool. You will have conflicts with future coworkers/bosses someday, and you can't just "quit the team (job)" when you don't get your way. Well, you can, but that's not usually the route you want to take.  

Go ahead and date if you want. You'll learn a lot. Just be careful. 

Take your faith seriously. Start growing it now. Your college years will soon really test you. 

Don't be embarrassed about taking that job at the Garbage/Recycling plant. That high school job of learning to drive a forklift will get you your first "career" job with your dream company. Also, it's a pretty bomb story to tell. What 16 year old girl learns how to drive 8 pieces of heavy machinery!? 

Smile big in that sports photo when you have the big gap in your teeth in the middle of all that orthodontic work...sure it's not cute. But neither is an awkward smile hiding your teeth!

I don't know what I could tell you to be more confident, because I know it comes with time. But know that life has many huge adventures for you, high school is just the training wheels. 

So start getting out of your comfort zone now. Some of the best parts of your next 10 years happen there. 

Stop worrying! Yes, there will be some challenges along the way, but you get through them. And you'll become a better, stronger person because of them. 

Just trust me, you're going to have a pretty fun life with lots of adventures and happiness. And I'm speaking from only 25. I hope 80 year old Kirsten will tell us the same thing :) 

This Season of Life.

It has now been over 6 months that I've been a Washington resident. That...is crazy. But I fall more and more in love with this state and the awesome people in it every day. 

Some other crazy exciting news!? I will be a World Vision employee again as of this Monday!  I've been working there for a few weeks now, but as a temp. I will now be a Warehouse Specialist again, and yes, I have quickly re-acclimated to wearing jeans, a baggy shirt, ponytail and minimal makeup to work. Although sometimes I still go home and dress up for no reason just to feel girly ;) 

So starting next week I will again be officially official. Washington will be my third state in which I've worked for this awesome organization that does such amazing work!! (I love World Vision, can you tell?)

Some new coworkers! (Not my picture)

God is so faithful! Always, always. 

I also will soon be moving to an apartment with my friend Emily who is moving out here from Minnesota! I have been SOO unbelievably blessed to have been able to live with Karen since I was pretty "financially unstable" when I moved out here. Now she is headed to move and live the exciting downtown-Seattle life and I can afford to get an apartment! 

God is again faithful and His timing is perfect. 

Along with all the blessings, there are definitely some difficulties. The hardest part, especially lately, is being so far away from family and specifically my grandparents as they've recently had a series of strokes and a major heart attack. Although it kills me to not easily go and visit them when things like that happen, and even through all of the frustration, sadness and tears on my part...I am still affirmed in my heart that this is where I am supposed to be. No doubt in my mind. 

But that still doesn't make it any easier to be far away. 

This season of life continues to be full of changes, transitions, and never quite getting settled in anywhere for very long. But I'm ultimately enjoying the journey and have been blown away with how much God is teaching me through it. 

Patience. Truly being patient.

Trusting in His timing. Like, for real trusting. Not making up my own agenda for how things should go. 

Knowing when to leap. Not using "I'm being patient" as an excuse when I know I should actually be going out of my comfort zone in response to a call to action. (That is a hard, but important differentiation.)

And most of all, I'm learning that no matter where I live, or who I hang out with, or where I work, or how far away I am from my family....my Jesus remains right here in my life and never ceases to show up. And He is fully, 100% deserving of all praise and total control over my life. 

Because guess what? 

He is faithful. And His timing is perfect. 

An Unlikely Idol.

As I'm sure everyone with social media now knows, my parents were just out here visiting. And the entire time I was having a battle inside myself regarding smartphones and social media. 

The thought of spending any time at all glued to my phone during the few precious days with my out-of-state family is embarrassing. 

But here was my battle: I was constantly desperate to capture every fun and happy moment. By photo, video, vine, tweet, Facebook post, text...anything. It needed to be documented. 

I wanted to capture every moment in every way imaginable on this silly smartphone because I knew every moment was fleeting. Even now, it seems like their visit was here and gone before I could even exhale. 

They're gone. But my phone isn't. It holds the memories inside of it. I can look back at them and smile. Then I quickly feel sad at the realization that I was busy photo snapping when my parents were right here with me. But I was fully aware of this battle at the time. 

A constant battle between being fully present in the actual moment...and my desperation to save the moment in any way possible to look back on later. 

We've all heard it and said it and probably agreed with it: Social media and smartphones have changed our real life relationships. 

However, I would say that my relationship with my parents this past trip wasn't necessarily affected by my photo snapping. But it made me just a little more attached to my phone. 

It almost felt like a teeny tiny glimpse of slavery. It has become almost an idol. I don't want to be on it, but I feel like I NEED to be. I feel like if I don't capture a picture or video, then it never really happened. 

And how ridiculous. 

Smartphones, social media, and photos can be a huge blessing, but I think living within the tension of capturing the moments versus actually LIVING the moments is a difficult thing for some of us. 

Yep, guilty. 

But I'm not quite sure what to do with that...besides blog about it via my iPhone  and attach a few photos from Instagram and then share it on Facebook and Twitter.