I Found Love in a Hardware Store.

Yes, I found love in a hardware store. 

But, it's probably not what you think.

Yesterday I woke up to a bad dream.  So starting even before my first waking moment, my mind was filled with negative, worrisome thoughts. Specifically about now living in Washington, so far away from my family and friends who have known me longer than just 10 months. 

What if my grandparents get sick and decline fast?

What if my parents do? 

I'm missing out on seeing all my cousins' little kids grow up. 

Once my friends all start having kids, I won't be an active part of their children's lives. (This one honestly brought me the closest to tears)

This will be the first Easter -- and even my first major holiday -- that I won't be with my parents and extended family. 

These, and hundreds of other similar thoughts were flooding my mind yesterday morning, before I even ate breakfast.  

Two eggs, scrambled.  With spinach and tomatoes. And cheese. 

Somewhere between washing my dishes and brushing my teeth, I finally prayed about it.  Not a petition prayer, I didn't necessarily want anything.  But just expressing it to Him. Letting Him in on my hurt.  On my worries.  On my frustration and how much I missed everyone.  He already knew, of course, but there's something He loves about us telling Him ourselves.  

So I drove to work, and the negative thoughts stopped, but I was still feeling that heaviness on my heart.  

Shortly into my shift the manager took me away from being Cashier, and had me doing some inventory stuff in the aisles.  (I work at a hardware store, by the way.) 

And as I was doing that...I started praying again.  This time my 'expressing' was filled with a little bit more 'praising' and thankfulness.   The Lord led me here with all green lights and open doors--and He's Faithful. He's provided a place for me to live, and two part-time jobs for me almost right away once I moved here. He's given me lots of new friends here, through a wonderful boyfriend. And I live in an age of Skype, texting, and Facebook.

And suddenly that heaviness went away and I felt so LOVED.  I had that peace that only comes from Him.  I could think straight about it all again.  Yes, I still miss everyone terribly.  But I didn't just recently make this choice to move, I made that choice over a year ago when I first moved to Denver.  And if I'm honest with myself, even if I hadn't met Josh, I wouldn't move back to Minnesota. 

Don't get me wrong, I love Minnesota. It will always be my home, and I'm even a little jealous when my Facebook is blowing up with "SNOWSTORM!!" statuses and pictures.  (Only jealous for like, a second though.) But I'm here now, and this is where my path has led me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a forest, following bread crumbs. Constantly looking for those little affirmations that I'm still on the right path.  Once I find one, I get super happy, but then freak out because I can't see the next one yet.

But the more crumbs I find, the more hopeful and trusting I become that yes, there WILL be another crumb soon.  No, I can't see it right now, but I've been through this before.  I know one will come soon.  And there's no point in turning back, because I've already been down that path behind me, and picked up those crumbs.  There's new ones waiting for me.  

I just have to keep going forward.

And yes, sometimes you just have to be patient, and praise Him in between the crumbs.

photo from photography.nationalgeographic.com

Time is Weird.

Time is Weird. 

It just is.  When you're living in a different state from your boyfriend and you have one hour left of work before you hop on a plane to go visit him....that last hour is the slowest, most frustrating hour of them all.  You can't speed it up.  You can't just fast forward.  The only thing you can do is sit back and listen to Call Me Maybe on repeat while you're forced to be patient.

I'm so glad to be done with long distance, by the way. I now have no idea how we did that.

It seemed like it would never end.  But time is crazy like that, it goes so slow while it's moving so fast.

And did I really live in Denver for a year? Because I'm starting to doubt that ever even happened.  When people ask where I'm from, I say Minnesota.  Which, of course, is true.  But I'm starting to forget to add on the, "...but I lived in Denver for the past year" part.  Not because I don't believe it was a significant time in my life, because it absolutely was.  But because....well....hold on, are you SURE I lived in Denver for a year?!

Time is Crazy.

So...total subject change.  Today is Valentines Day.

This is my "most bipolar, mixed emotions, happy and sad, tears and laughter" - filled day of the year.

Eight years ago today, my first Valentine died in a snowmobile accident.  I still remember the last time I saw him.  We were at his basketball game, and as we left he smiled and gave me a salute as I walked out the door.

The day of the accident, I ran home after school and frantically looked through all of my things for anything I still had from him.  We weren't dating anymore and I had thrown away everything I had from him...or so I thought.  But then the tears came when I realized I had completely forgotten about this one gift I still had from him.  A huge red box of chocolates he gave to me a previous Valentines Day.

The irony of that hit me so hard at that moment.

But that day we were all reminded that death for believers isn't Goodbye.  It's See Ya Later.

Because next time I see him will be in Heaven -- where he will be filled with even more life than I saw that day on the basketball court.

Because time is funny like that.

Time is also a blessing.  It helps us heal and move forward.  Valentine's Day gets easier and easier every year.  Of course we all still miss Jak and I'll always think about him on February 14th.

But time is a gift to us to heal from tragedies and allow us to continue to thrive in the newness that each day has for us.

It has allowed me to still be fully present in celebrating this cheesy, Hallmark, overpriced-flowers holiday with Josh--this wonderful, Godly man I get to call my boyfriend!

When I got home from work last night, well after midnight, I walked in my room to see this:

Flowers and all of my favorite snacks! He must want a fat girlfriend...

On this day especially, whether you're single or dating or married or whatever...always remember that the One who created time itself not only loves you more than anyone else in this world does, but He literally IS love.  He's the perfect example of Love that none of us will ever live up to in our earthly relationships.

So go and buy some flowers for quadruple the price, or go out with all of your girlfriends, or just relax and enjoy your Thursday.  No matter what you've been through, who you are or aren't dating, or where you're at in life today, remember that our God adores you.  Absolutely, all-out adores you.

And there's nothing you can do about it :)