A Calm Life.

Do you prefer a calm life or a busy life? I know that some people genuinely prefer to be busy. Not just regular busy, but, like, CRAZY busy. They purposely overschedule their life, because that's how they thrive. 

Those people are like zoo animals to me. I look on with awe and wonder and respect. But I have no desire to be them. I think they're beautiful...but also kind of weird. 

I grew up in a calm household. Yes, we had lots of fun. Yes, we did lots of things. Yes, my dad is incredibly spontaneous. Yes, he once drove us 6 hours to a Twins game while my mom was working without telling her until we were AT the game. Shock effect. 

Yes, we would see an ad for a concert that was playing in an hour...in a town an hour away, and just go right then. Yes, we took vacations every year. Yes, we were always running to sports games near and far. But somehow, it was still a calm life. I think it was because calm was the default. We each had a few of our scheduled activities each week, but since I was an only child, it wasn't overwhelming. Our fun mostly lived in spontaneity. I think that's why scheduling things into my calendar is sometimes sort of terrifying. 

My parents both worked hard. Both were on their feet, walking and interacting with people all day. Because of that, our default home life was always laid back and relaxing. 

That's how I'm now wired. 

I like to have one or two scheduled activities....but any more than that and it's not fun to me anymore. Then it becomes an obligation. It makes me a little anxious. What if I'm super tired that day? What if something else comes up? (P.s. This does not apply to hangout dates, friends! It's more of the "every Tuesday night at 6 you will be here" thing.) 

When I'm too busy, I realize I start to focus way too much on me. MY time. MY busy schedule. MY needs. MY life. 

When I am living in calm, I have way more energy and desire to give. GIVE time. GIVE encouragement. I don't as fiercely protect my time, so I am way more flexible and open to spontaneity. My friendships are healthier. I call my mom more often. 

That's also when I feel closest to Jesus. When I'm most excited to read my Bible. When I feel the most loving. When I'm the happiest. That's my sweet spot. Yes, there will always be craziness and busyness in life, and I have to continually get better at coping with it. But I believe knowing how your wired and in what type of lifestyle you thrive...is huge. 

If you're wired more like me...don't let overwhelming busyness become your default. It's okay to say no sometimes. It's okay to have a boring night at home. You don't have to become a hermit, but know when you're getting stretched too thin. Pray about how much busyness you should be allowing in your life. 

Then, come meet me at Starbucks before work one morning. Schedule me in to your already too-full schedule so we can talk about how full our schedules are ;) 

Change is Worth it!

Consequences of Change.

Sometimes I think my dream life would be exploring nature and cities all over the world, meeting people, hearing their stories, and writing about it. 

But...I wouldn't really be good at any of that. I love adventures and I love the outdoors, but not all the time. 

I love meeting people and hearing everyone's unique story, but I'm sort of an awkward conversationalist. 

I would LOVE to travel all over the world, but I also want to chill out from my crazy relocation/apartment hopping life and have my own family and house and dog and fireplace someday. 

I love writing. But I also have a rare form of ADD where I don't really have ADD...I just get bored. 

Maybe I already am living my dream life. I love everything about my past so far. Of course I've messed up. Of course I've gotten off course a few times. Of course I've hurt people and gotten hurt myself. 

But I'm here. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I have a job I believe in. I'm alive. I'm educated. I have people who love me and I have people that I love. 

I think it's important for all of us to dream big and to strive and to plan. But right now in my life, I think it's important for me to be content. 

Too many big life changes and relocations in such a small time have left a tiny scar in my spirit. Getting pulled away from family, friends and the familiar...twice in just over a year...have hardened my heart a bit. I can tell I'm a little closed off. I get defensive. I am critical and cynical for no reason. I make plans and cancel them last minute (one of my biggest pet peeves). I crave affirmations more than normal. I get mad at myself with how selfish I am. 

I sometimes feel like my self awareness and social maturity have taken a few steps backwards. 

However, I think that's probably all normal. I wouldn't be human if I wasn't somehow affected by big changes. 

I'm actually proud of how I've handled it all for the most part. Sometimes I literally feel crazy. But usually that's cured by a good night's sleep. 

I just need to let my heart settle a bit. I need to let myself have those occasional freak out moments (IM GOING TO MISS OUT ON SO MUCH WHEN MY MN FRIENDS START HAVING BABIES!). 

I need to let God do what He does best. Love me. Heal me. Continue to grow me. Teach me how to love others. Teach me how to give selflessly. 

I'm guessing by the time I feel caught up and content, there will be another big life change. But I think I'll be ready. Like I said, I get bored fast :)

Ps. Reminder in pictures why it's all been worth it!! 

http://kirsten-faithlovehappiness.blogspot.com/2013/10/my-year-in-pictures.html?m=1

Quiet in the City.

I grew up walking trails in the woods of northern Minnesota with my dad, grandpa, and our two yellow labs. All four of them taught me to love, enjoy, and treasure the beauty of being out in nature. 

I think that's why living in/near a big city is so hard for me sometimes. It just doesn't feel...well, natural. I love it for the convenience and social aspects, but it wears on me after awhile. That's why I love hiking. That's why I love mini road trips just to get out of the city. 

That's why today I got so excited when I discovered, one mile away from our condo....is this: 

It's some sort of wildlife refuge. So it's not totally untouched, as there are trails, fences, bridges and those outlook posts, but it's quiet and I can run to it, so I'll take it!

I totally killed my pace time taking all these pictures on my phone, but I'm pretty sure I've never had a better run. 4.5 miles of trees, a lake, no people, no billboards, and no freeway noise. 

My soul is happy :) 

For the Love of...

Fall. 

The time of year when all you hear everyone say is how much they LOVE Fall. 

Yes, we know you love to wear your sweaters and leggings and boots. To watch football. To see the trees changing. To carve the pumpkins. To eat or drink EVERYthing that is pumpkin flavored...especially those Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks. 

Sometimes I think everyone loves Fall mostly because they love to love Fall and even more so, they love to TELL everyone how much they love to love Fall. 

Whew. 

Okay, so I'll admit.  The main reason I get annoyed when every. single. person (well, mostly the females) on my social media feeds are proclaiming their undying love for Fall....is that...well....

 I LOVE FALL.

I'm a September baby. I was born in the Fall. Doesn't that give me some sort of "dibs" on loving it more than others? 

Apparently not. 

So I guess I'll let everyone love Fall as much as I do. Because that's what Jesus would do, right? 

All I know is that Jesus MUST feel the same way around Christmas time. When all of the--"OMG!! Christmas music is playing in my office:at the grocery store:at my dentist:on the radio:in the airport!!!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!"--people start to take over instead. I mean, Jesus for sure has dibs on loving Christmas the most, right? But He just lets us enjoy it with Him and he doesn't get mad or jealous...and I can almost guarantee you He doesn't post a blog ranting about it. 

But that's when I realize how far I need to come to be more like Jesus. 

I could use some prayers. 

Ps. Someone bring me a Pumpkin Spice Latte and I'll love you forever. 

Home.

The first few sights caught my brain by surprise. Emotions tied with the sharp familiarity made me unsure of how to properly process it. 

But I was obsessed with figuring out that surge of emotion tied with every single building, sign, and stoplight. Not sadness. Not excitement. Not really anything I can articulate. But my brain just knew every part of this town all soo well. And every new building, sign, or even house color change stuck out like a sore thumb to me. 

Yet I felt a strange longing towards all of it. 

Not to ever live in my small Minnesotan hometown again. But a feeling of wanting to get another chance at even briefly visiting the life of my childhood. Where grandpa still lived at home with grandma and not in a nursing home, before his stroke and heart attack. Where my parents and I still lived in the house on Duluth Ave, before those other people moved in and added those flowers, that deck, and those two fluffy dogs. Where I was not on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Vine, Pinterest, and Timehop. Where I was oblivious to big city life, death, and broken families. When I assumed everyone grew up and lived the same sort of happy life that I did. 

But this town is still a time capsule in a way. It's where people still sit in lawn chairs out in their yards and just chat with each other and those who walk by. Where people stop by on their bike rides just to visit. Where life is a little (or a lot) slower than in big cities. Especially Seattle. Where down time is expected, not penalized or looked down upon. Where grandparents still babysit grandkids, because they live right down the street. 

I love Seattle. I love the life I'm living and the adventures I've had and will keep having. But there's something to be said about traditions, small towns, and slowing down. 

Sometimes.

Sometimes I go on Pinterest. 

And I'm jealous of those clothes. 

I'm jealous of that house. 

I'm jealous of her hair. 

I'm jealous of those people who choose to make time to cook all that food and make all those crafts. 

Sometimes I go for a run. 

And I hate every second of it. 

I hate that road. 

I realllly hate that hill. 

I hate feeling like I'm about to pass out. 

Sometimes I miss Minnesota. 

I get worried about all the upcoming rainy days here in Seattle. 

I know I'll miss the snow...a little bit. 

I miss my grandparents. 

I miss my friends. 

Sometimes I worry about the future. 

Sometimes I wear the same jeans 5 days in a row at work. 

Sometimes I get so happy and hyper for no reason. 

Sometimes I buy mint Oreos. And eat them all in 2 days. 

Sometimes I wish I could live out in the middle of nowhere, no technology, no electricity, no running water. 

Sometimes I just want to be bored. 

Sometimes I honestly think I'm crazy.

Sometimes I want to go back to school. Like really, really bad.

Sometimes I want a dog. 

Sometimes I question EVERYthing. 

And you know what?

I think sometimes that's all okay.