Consequences of Change.

Sometimes I think my dream life would be exploring nature and cities all over the world, meeting people, hearing their stories, and writing about it. 

But...I wouldn't really be good at any of that. I love adventures and I love the outdoors, but not all the time. 

I love meeting people and hearing everyone's unique story, but I'm sort of an awkward conversationalist. 

I would LOVE to travel all over the world, but I also want to chill out from my crazy relocation/apartment hopping life and have my own family and house and dog and fireplace someday. 

I love writing. But I also have a rare form of ADD where I don't really have ADD...I just get bored. 

Maybe I already am living my dream life. I love everything about my past so far. Of course I've messed up. Of course I've gotten off course a few times. Of course I've hurt people and gotten hurt myself. 

But I'm here. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I have a job I believe in. I'm alive. I'm educated. I have people who love me and I have people that I love. 

I think it's important for all of us to dream big and to strive and to plan. But right now in my life, I think it's important for me to be content. 

Too many big life changes and relocations in such a small time have left a tiny scar in my spirit. Getting pulled away from family, friends and the familiar...twice in just over a year...have hardened my heart a bit. I can tell I'm a little closed off. I get defensive. I am critical and cynical for no reason. I make plans and cancel them last minute (one of my biggest pet peeves). I crave affirmations more than normal. I get mad at myself with how selfish I am. 

I sometimes feel like my self awareness and social maturity have taken a few steps backwards. 

However, I think that's probably all normal. I wouldn't be human if I wasn't somehow affected by big changes. 

I'm actually proud of how I've handled it all for the most part. Sometimes I literally feel crazy. But usually that's cured by a good night's sleep. 

I just need to let my heart settle a bit. I need to let myself have those occasional freak out moments (IM GOING TO MISS OUT ON SO MUCH WHEN MY MN FRIENDS START HAVING BABIES!). 

I need to let God do what He does best. Love me. Heal me. Continue to grow me. Teach me how to love others. Teach me how to give selflessly. 

I'm guessing by the time I feel caught up and content, there will be another big life change. But I think I'll be ready. Like I said, I get bored fast :)

Ps. Reminder in pictures why it's all been worth it!! 

http://kirsten-faithlovehappiness.blogspot.com/2013/10/my-year-in-pictures.html?m=1