I Found Love in a Hardware Store.

Yes, I found love in a hardware store. 

But, it's probably not what you think.

Yesterday I woke up to a bad dream.  So starting even before my first waking moment, my mind was filled with negative, worrisome thoughts. Specifically about now living in Washington, so far away from my family and friends who have known me longer than just 10 months. 

What if my grandparents get sick and decline fast?

What if my parents do? 

I'm missing out on seeing all my cousins' little kids grow up. 

Once my friends all start having kids, I won't be an active part of their children's lives. (This one honestly brought me the closest to tears)

This will be the first Easter -- and even my first major holiday -- that I won't be with my parents and extended family. 

These, and hundreds of other similar thoughts were flooding my mind yesterday morning, before I even ate breakfast.  

Two eggs, scrambled.  With spinach and tomatoes. And cheese. 

Somewhere between washing my dishes and brushing my teeth, I finally prayed about it.  Not a petition prayer, I didn't necessarily want anything.  But just expressing it to Him. Letting Him in on my hurt.  On my worries.  On my frustration and how much I missed everyone.  He already knew, of course, but there's something He loves about us telling Him ourselves.  

So I drove to work, and the negative thoughts stopped, but I was still feeling that heaviness on my heart.  

Shortly into my shift the manager took me away from being Cashier, and had me doing some inventory stuff in the aisles.  (I work at a hardware store, by the way.) 

And as I was doing that...I started praying again.  This time my 'expressing' was filled with a little bit more 'praising' and thankfulness.   The Lord led me here with all green lights and open doors--and He's Faithful. He's provided a place for me to live, and two part-time jobs for me almost right away once I moved here. He's given me lots of new friends here, through a wonderful boyfriend. And I live in an age of Skype, texting, and Facebook.

And suddenly that heaviness went away and I felt so LOVED.  I had that peace that only comes from Him.  I could think straight about it all again.  Yes, I still miss everyone terribly.  But I didn't just recently make this choice to move, I made that choice over a year ago when I first moved to Denver.  And if I'm honest with myself, even if I hadn't met Josh, I wouldn't move back to Minnesota. 

Don't get me wrong, I love Minnesota. It will always be my home, and I'm even a little jealous when my Facebook is blowing up with "SNOWSTORM!!" statuses and pictures.  (Only jealous for like, a second though.) But I'm here now, and this is where my path has led me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a forest, following bread crumbs. Constantly looking for those little affirmations that I'm still on the right path.  Once I find one, I get super happy, but then freak out because I can't see the next one yet.

But the more crumbs I find, the more hopeful and trusting I become that yes, there WILL be another crumb soon.  No, I can't see it right now, but I've been through this before.  I know one will come soon.  And there's no point in turning back, because I've already been down that path behind me, and picked up those crumbs.  There's new ones waiting for me.  

I just have to keep going forward.

And yes, sometimes you just have to be patient, and praise Him in between the crumbs.

photo from photography.nationalgeographic.com